The Salmon Burial
Nothing for rough types, rather for raw ones.
Locate a reliable market stall and a fitting piece of salmon fillet, e.g. 1 kilo. Let the market vendor leave the skin on the fish. The economic damage can be estimated to some 20 Deutschmarks. Now grab a sharp kitchen knife, but please after having left the market, in your kitchen instead. Add 5 tablespoons of sea salt, 3 tablespoons black pepper (preferably unground, that causes less of a mess during clean-up), 4 tablespoons of sugar, a little bag of dill leaves and some household plastic foil.
Now put the fillets with the pink side upward on the foil. Mix the salt with the pepper with the sugar and disperse the stuff on the dead animal, also on its dead sides. Smash the dill branches upon it (but not all of it, leave some for decoration and cut it up) and do not forget the sides. Now smash the fillets on each other, pink side to pink side, wrap them well into the foil and put them into a glass bowl. Put a heavy object on top (yourself or a liter package of e.g. sour milk, uarrgh) and leave to marinate for 48 hours in the fridge. Dead marine admirals are cold-resistant, too. Turn the package or the fridge upside down at intervals. Now go searching for the salmon underneath your self or in the glass bowl respectively, throw out the spice mixture that is sticking out, disperse the cut-up dill over it and maintain your hold on the kitchen knife. Now only the sauce is missing. Buy 3 parts of a medium hot mustard and 3 parts of liquid honey or just about in these proportions. Perform taste testing of small quantities. The sauce has to be mild above all in order not to overshout the rather quiet salmon. Now hurry up and buy a package of neutral toasts, real butter and a bottle of good white wine. Gesticulate wildly with the kitchen knife in the direction of you guests and in the direction of the salmon pieces and cut them up into thin slices (i.e. the salmon).
Good ape tight!
Your chef Oppih Fisher